I have had one of the hardest times I have ever experienced. It made all the other hard times I had in the past melt away. Many people think that because you are in Christ that means our hard times will disappear. Definitely not true. We still have hard times but the difference is that we understand that through these difficult times God is creating a moment where He will be glorified. This time is not just about you, but the things people will learn from you and see through your testimony. ------- Something happened to me in the past few weeks. I was on my way to work and all the sudden while on the train I felt an incredible pain in my lower abdomen. It was pulsing and almost unbearable. I thought it will pass, I'm still going to go to work. While at work I got up three times to go to the bathroom. I felt incredibly nauseous and I felt as if I was going to pass out. I could no longer hold my pain in. I told my coworkers I didnt feel well and I have to leave right now. I was able to stay for only an hour before telling my supervisor I had to leave. I ran out and went back into the train. My plan was to go to urgent care maybe get some medicine and I'd be okay. Well during my train ride I felt I was going to once again throw up on the passengers. The train rocked me back and forth. On a normal work day this never bothered me, but something really wasnt right. I continued to deny that something serious was going on, as I ran out the train car just to sit down and breathe. I thought to myself "I guess this is how I will die... here in a train station." I somehow found the strength to get up and take another train to urgent care. By the time I got to urgent care. I was able to call and text people and let them know I wasnt well and that something was wrong. I had also figured out maybe I was pregnant due to the strange symptoms. I asked right away for a pregnancy test. As I waited for the test results. I found that I had bleeding as well. I reported this to the doctor, where he then confirmed my pregnancy and his concern that something could be wrong. He told me I needed to immediately to the ER so they can get a sonogram. I called my mother and husband immediately letting them know I was on my way to the ER. As I waited in the ER the pain surged hard. I thought I was going to pass out once again, before anyone could see what was going wrong. At this time I was already wondering what was happening inside of me. Was the baby okay? Was I having a miscarriage? Finally they called me inside and I was able to explain everything to the doctor, where he told me I needed to get a sonogram right away. In the hospital thankfully everyone was very nice and understanding. The Sonogram revealed that there was no baby in my uterus and yet my hormone level was very high. Upon looking further it seemed that the baby was in my fallopian tube. I had many, many questions! One of which was how can we save this baby? Where I heard there was no way to move the baby into the uterus they would have to either remove the baby with medication or through surgery. I was devastated! How could there be no option in this day and age to save my baby. I was immediately heart broken. I had never gone through anything like this in my life. And to hear all of this at once was too much. By this time the physical pain had stopped but my heart and spirit was experiencing a pain that I could not even begin to process. I waited that night to talk to my husband about all of this and he was of course worried about me. We had decided together to take the medication route. The next day I was given the medication early in the morning and told to wait a few days before coming back to be checked on again. Through the weekend I prayed with my husband my mother came to pray with us and she never left my side through this hard time. I had asked for prayer all over. I was asking God to reverse the results and let there be a miracle. But I also asked for His will to be done. Being that God is the only one who knows what is truly best for me. So I went back and the baby had grown even larger in my tube and my hormone level had doubled. The most heartbreaking thing is when I had the second sonogram, was when they told me that there was movement. My baby was moving and growing in there. They told me surgery had to be done that same day. I was in even more shock than before. That day right there I had to have surgery. I was given several hours to process since I needed to wait about 8 hours after eating. That gave my husband and family members time to get to me after work to give me moral support. When it was time to go for surgery I became so nervous trembling and worried if I would wake up the same person I was before. I tried to sing but the words couldn't come out only tears. I knew that God and His angels were watching over me and that my tears were being transformed into prayers. All I could say was, "God let your will be done." What felt like a few seconds later I was up and trembling again. This time due to being cold. The surgery was a success, I was alive and well. However, the doctors told me that one of my tubes was removed and there was no way for them to save it. I didnt know how to feel at that moment. Or what to think. I just tried to come back to myself and just Thank God for being alive. It wasnt until the next few days later I was looking online to see what other people went through when dealing with something like this. I found more about miscarriage than I did about ectopic pregnancy. I wished I could see what a Christian woman's testimony but I found none. A few days later after trying to research I finally realized I know longer had a baby. I began to cry and cry and I cried out to God asking Him to strengthen me. I know that God has an ultimate plan. One that I may not understand right now. But someday I will understand why. In the natural, people were saying this happens to many women, it's okay, you will be able to have more children. They told me it's better you are alive and healthy. And in the Spiritual I just have to accept God's plan. God knows what you can handle, God will restore you like he restored Job. But the thing was my baby died. My poor baby would never feel my warmth or love. I felt as if it was my fault, my body that caused this. I had to turn to the word of God for comfort. I went to my bible.com app and I read a miscarriage plan. I finally found an answer to my pain, shame, and guilt that I was feeling. It was that God was holding my baby for me and keeping my baby safe. I felt at that moment that one day I will see him. And see how he has grown in the arms of God. God kept me alive in a time where not only my child but I also could have passed away. I would have left behind broken hearts. My husband, family, friends, and church members. He not only saved me but everyone else around me. I learned that I may not know why all the time but God knows why and that's enough That alone gave me comfort. In the good times and bad times God is good. And if I am able to see things this way. I can be healed. -Sa sa fè si rout la mové Minm si gin mové pa Li konnin byin tout sa-m kap fè papa-m ranjé-l konsa Map chanté nan solèy nan fè noua Ninpòt sak rivé ma kontan Fò-m chanté mouin pa kapab rété papa-m ranjé-l konsa- Thank you for listening to my testimony.
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